How to be a Good Drunk

When it comes to drinking alcohol, we all know the rules: Know your limits, stop drinking the moment you feel like puking, don't drink and drive, don't go somewhere else with strangers, etc. etc. (You’re a dumbass if you drink and you don’t know all these.)

Well, from my own experiences, here's my take on how to be a good drunk.

On Rolling, Slipping and Falling

1. Avoid slipping and falling down hill sides, mountain sides and other steep inclines

2. If you can’t, then see to it that you won't get killed. Example: Find something to hold on to as you roll along. (I held on to some pebbles and a clump of grass)

3. After slipping and falling flat on your face, do not continue to lie there and giggle the night away.

On Peeing

4. Do not attempt to pee in the middle of the road with your dream guy watching in horror.

5. If you really want to do it, make sure that he’s somebody who’s gonna be your boyfriend for the next 17 years of your life, because he is able to accept your exhibitionist method of peeing.

6. When peeing by the side of road, position yourself in a way that your butt won’t reflect the headlights of the passing cars.

7. If you need to pee inside the opposite sex's bathroom, make sure to emerge in a dignified manner, like nothing out of the ordinary is going on.

8. Do not believe when your equally drunken friend tells you that it's totally private to pee behind the bushes during a very well-attended concert.

On Flirting

9. If being drunk would make every person seem older, then flirt with somebody who looks like 50 years old. Otherwise, you'll find it hard to shake off somebody who you think is as old as you are but is REALLY ONLY 15.

On Dancing

10. Since attempts at a Jacko-Beyonce-Pussycat Doll combination dance moves seem so lovely and soo easy, wear jeans all the time

11. Make sure that a table or chair is sturdy before dancing on top of it.

12. Make sure that a table or chair is sturdy before inviting a bunch of people to dance with you on top of it.

13. Too late? Rush out of the pile of struggling bodies and disappear!

On Rolling Around

14. Lie down or roll around on the cleanest part of the floor, grass or pavement.

15. Or at least have the compulsion to change clothes before passing out.

On Spilling the Beans and Crying

16. Do not cry because of some imaginary problem.

17. Do not cry at all.

18. Do not cry while sitting on the sidewalk.

19. Do not cry and tell your life story to a total stranger.

20. Make sure you recognize the person you called your best friend and told your life secrets to the next time you see him or her.

21. On 2nd thought, cry on your way to pee and while peeing. Mourn for the departure of Mr. Alcohol from your gut. Goodbye, amigo, goodbye.

Hassle-free Halloween Costume Tips

Too busy with life but can't get out of the annual Halloween costume party? Don't fret. If it's not that important to you, then there's no need to worry. Just borrow somebody's uniform and pretend to have a different profession or you can impersonate a co-worker or a celebrity the easiest way possible.

Here are my ideas:

1. Borrow the uniform of one of the building's security.
2. Borrow the uniform of your favorite pizza delivery guy.
3. Borrow a favorite outfit of your co-worker pretend to be him or her. Better yet, cross-dress.
4. If you're a guy, go as a female nurse.
5. If you're a woman, dress like a male cop.
6. Go as your boss.
7. Go commando and make sure everyone sees. Coz you're Britney Spears
8. Start drinking hours before the party and go as the drunk. Wow, you don't have to act! Find someone to drive you home after or you're Lindsay Lohan.
9. Not up for the party? Go as a Ninja and disappear.
10. Really, really not up for the party? Tell everyone you'll be going as the Invisible Man, loser.


I love Halloween parties...