6 Gifts That Will Make Your Friend Happy

1. Tiger Balm Ointment
2. Antibacterial Hand Gel from Bath & Body Works named after your friend's zodiac sign and displaying her top qualities in fine print. 
3. Spicy beef jerky from Singapore
4. Japanese face powder called Suki that comes in an elegant case and makes your friend's face very less oily unless:
1. she is in the throes of dance inferno
2. standing under direct sunlight
3. goes too near the flaming firewood to blow away the ashes and stoke the fire
4. have hot sex 
5. A bar (or should i say, triangle) of Toblerone
6. A bride of satan veil with a black spider accent for halloween and to add to her silly hat collection, of course

Well, they made ME happy. In fact they made me extremely ecstatic. So there.

P.S.
Thank you to my successful, businesswoman life partner for the first five and to my thoughtful, lesbian life partner for the sixth item. 

Certain Ways of Cooking

• I like my bacon grilled.
• I like my spam spicy and microwaved for 3 minutes.
• I like my chicken deep fried with no coating whatsoever.
• I like my beef roasted.
• I like my pork lechon and humba.

Music for When Your Day Sucks

No, i'm not talking about angst-ridden songs. Just music that never fails to color my mood happy a.k.a. my self-proclaimed inspirational music. =)

1. Beautiful Day by U2

2. Such Great Heights by The Postal Service

3. Fly by Sugar Ray

4. Beautiful Ones by Suede

5. Can't Stop by Red Hot Chili Peppers

My Save-Money-without-Suffering Tips

I love the good life! As much as I love rummaging through the discount sections or haggling at the Flea Market and going backpacking with tent in tow or cooking a delicious meal to avoid the high cost of eating out, I also love splurging on expensive clothes, shoes and accessories, staying in hotels and resorts and the more than occasional fine dining. Here are my “scrimping” ways to avoid bankruptcy.

On Fine Dining
I always want to try more than one item on the menu. And I don’t usually follow fine dining etiquette especially if I’m with people I’m really comfortable with or just myself. I usually have everything delivered at the same time, whether it’s a salad, two appetizers or the entrée. So when I’m in my order-almost-all-I-want mood, I skip on drinks and just ask for the restaurant’s free water. Drinks can add unwanted bulk on the bill and I go to restaurants to feed myself, not quench my thirst. And I don’t fall for the all-you-can drink offers, either (except for the alcoholic stuff, that is), especially when I’m in it for the buffet.

On Shopping
I usually grab everything I want at flea markets as long as they fit me, my mom or my siblings. Unfortunately, I can’t apply this uninhibited way of shopping inside the mall, where everything is so much pricier. So whenever I find something I can’t take my eyes off, I give myself a night or two to think. If I’m still losing sleep over it after two nights, then I go back and buy it. If it’s no longer available, well, I guess it wasn’t meant for me and I just try hard to a. find something as similar as possible b. scour other shops for the same item or c. forget about it and move on (after mentally kicking myself for not grabbing it as soon as I had the chance).

On Staying in Hotels or Resorts
If the place is known for great food, then I have all three meals in there. If not, I just ask for hot water and make do with instant soup and noodles or else just go somewhere near to eat. However, beverages, especially the alcoholic ones, can be hysterically expensive if purchased inside the hotel or resort. So if there’s only me or just a few of us, we smuggle the drinks inside. If there’s a truckload of us, we usually pay for the corkage. Either way, a lot of cash is saved.

How to be a Good Drunk

When it comes to drinking alcohol, we all know the rules: Know your limits, stop drinking the moment you feel like puking, don't drink and drive, don't go somewhere else with strangers, etc. etc. (You’re a dumbass if you drink and you don’t know all these.)

Well, from my own experiences, here's my take on how to be a good drunk.

On Rolling, Slipping and Falling

1. Avoid slipping and falling down hill sides, mountain sides and other steep inclines

2. If you can’t, then see to it that you won't get killed. Example: Find something to hold on to as you roll along. (I held on to some pebbles and a clump of grass)

3. After slipping and falling flat on your face, do not continue to lie there and giggle the night away.

On Peeing

4. Do not attempt to pee in the middle of the road with your dream guy watching in horror.

5. If you really want to do it, make sure that he’s somebody who’s gonna be your boyfriend for the next 17 years of your life, because he is able to accept your exhibitionist method of peeing.

6. When peeing by the side of road, position yourself in a way that your butt won’t reflect the headlights of the passing cars.

7. If you need to pee inside the opposite sex's bathroom, make sure to emerge in a dignified manner, like nothing out of the ordinary is going on.

8. Do not believe when your equally drunken friend tells you that it's totally private to pee behind the bushes during a very well-attended concert.

On Flirting

9. If being drunk would make every person seem older, then flirt with somebody who looks like 50 years old. Otherwise, you'll find it hard to shake off somebody who you think is as old as you are but is REALLY ONLY 15.

On Dancing

10. Since attempts at a Jacko-Beyonce-Pussycat Doll combination dance moves seem so lovely and soo easy, wear jeans all the time

11. Make sure that a table or chair is sturdy before dancing on top of it.

12. Make sure that a table or chair is sturdy before inviting a bunch of people to dance with you on top of it.

13. Too late? Rush out of the pile of struggling bodies and disappear!

On Rolling Around

14. Lie down or roll around on the cleanest part of the floor, grass or pavement.

15. Or at least have the compulsion to change clothes before passing out.

On Spilling the Beans and Crying

16. Do not cry because of some imaginary problem.

17. Do not cry at all.

18. Do not cry while sitting on the sidewalk.

19. Do not cry and tell your life story to a total stranger.

20. Make sure you recognize the person you called your best friend and told your life secrets to the next time you see him or her.

21. On 2nd thought, cry on your way to pee and while peeing. Mourn for the departure of Mr. Alcohol from your gut. Goodbye, amigo, goodbye.

Hassle-free Halloween Costume Tips

Too busy with life but can't get out of the annual Halloween costume party? Don't fret. If it's not that important to you, then there's no need to worry. Just borrow somebody's uniform and pretend to have a different profession or you can impersonate a co-worker or a celebrity the easiest way possible.

Here are my ideas:

1. Borrow the uniform of one of the building's security.
2. Borrow the uniform of your favorite pizza delivery guy.
3. Borrow a favorite outfit of your co-worker pretend to be him or her. Better yet, cross-dress.
4. If you're a guy, go as a female nurse.
5. If you're a woman, dress like a male cop.
6. Go as your boss.
7. Go commando and make sure everyone sees. Coz you're Britney Spears
8. Start drinking hours before the party and go as the drunk. Wow, you don't have to act! Find someone to drive you home after or you're Lindsay Lohan.
9. Not up for the party? Go as a Ninja and disappear.
10. Really, really not up for the party? Tell everyone you'll be going as the Invisible Man, loser.


I love Halloween parties...

10 Bad Things that Make Me Go Weeeeee!

1. Beer – I don’t need to explain. If you’re a beer drinker, you’d understand.
2. Cholesterol – Food is soooo boring without this.
3. High-calorie Foods – See bad thing no. 2
4. Cursing – It lightens my mood and I think profanities are unique terms of endearment.
5. Ringing random doorbells then running like mad– It’s a thrilling (the ringing) way of burning calories (the running).
6. Gossiping – It strengthens the bonds of friendship.
7. The fight scene between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth in Bridget Jones 1 and 2 – funniest, dorkiest fight scene ever!
8. Giggling during the most solemn and very quiet moments (read: solemn, NOT tragic) – I really have no explanation for this malady. But I’m not that bad, I disguise my giggles as a coughing fit.
9. Laziness – there’s something so luxurious and satisfying about giving in to this state of being.
10. Getting Drunk – this is my Nirvana and I was able to reach this state thousands of times without having to sit cross-legged whilst acting like a statue for hours.