How to be a Good Drunk

When it comes to drinking alcohol, we all know the rules: Know your limits, stop drinking the moment you feel like puking, don't drink and drive, don't go somewhere else with strangers, etc. etc. (You’re a dumbass if you drink and you don’t know all these.)

Well, from my own experiences, here's my take on how to be a good drunk.

On Rolling, Slipping and Falling

1. Avoid slipping and falling down hill sides, mountain sides and other steep inclines

2. If you can’t, then see to it that you won't get killed. Example: Find something to hold on to as you roll along. (I held on to some pebbles and a clump of grass)

3. After slipping and falling flat on your face, do not continue to lie there and giggle the night away.

On Peeing

4. Do not attempt to pee in the middle of the road with your dream guy watching in horror.

5. If you really want to do it, make sure that he’s somebody who’s gonna be your boyfriend for the next 17 years of your life, because he is able to accept your exhibitionist method of peeing.

6. When peeing by the side of road, position yourself in a way that your butt won’t reflect the headlights of the passing cars.

7. If you need to pee inside the opposite sex's bathroom, make sure to emerge in a dignified manner, like nothing out of the ordinary is going on.

8. Do not believe when your equally drunken friend tells you that it's totally private to pee behind the bushes during a very well-attended concert.

On Flirting

9. If being drunk would make every person seem older, then flirt with somebody who looks like 50 years old. Otherwise, you'll find it hard to shake off somebody who you think is as old as you are but is REALLY ONLY 15.

On Dancing

10. Since attempts at a Jacko-Beyonce-Pussycat Doll combination dance moves seem so lovely and soo easy, wear jeans all the time

11. Make sure that a table or chair is sturdy before dancing on top of it.

12. Make sure that a table or chair is sturdy before inviting a bunch of people to dance with you on top of it.

13. Too late? Rush out of the pile of struggling bodies and disappear!

On Rolling Around

14. Lie down or roll around on the cleanest part of the floor, grass or pavement.

15. Or at least have the compulsion to change clothes before passing out.

On Spilling the Beans and Crying

16. Do not cry because of some imaginary problem.

17. Do not cry at all.

18. Do not cry while sitting on the sidewalk.

19. Do not cry and tell your life story to a total stranger.

20. Make sure you recognize the person you called your best friend and told your life secrets to the next time you see him or her.

21. On 2nd thought, cry on your way to pee and while peeing. Mourn for the departure of Mr. Alcohol from your gut. Goodbye, amigo, goodbye.

Hassle-free Halloween Costume Tips

Too busy with life but can't get out of the annual Halloween costume party? Don't fret. If it's not that important to you, then there's no need to worry. Just borrow somebody's uniform and pretend to have a different profession or you can impersonate a co-worker or a celebrity the easiest way possible.

Here are my ideas:

1. Borrow the uniform of one of the building's security.
2. Borrow the uniform of your favorite pizza delivery guy.
3. Borrow a favorite outfit of your co-worker pretend to be him or her. Better yet, cross-dress.
4. If you're a guy, go as a female nurse.
5. If you're a woman, dress like a male cop.
6. Go as your boss.
7. Go commando and make sure everyone sees. Coz you're Britney Spears
8. Start drinking hours before the party and go as the drunk. Wow, you don't have to act! Find someone to drive you home after or you're Lindsay Lohan.
9. Not up for the party? Go as a Ninja and disappear.
10. Really, really not up for the party? Tell everyone you'll be going as the Invisible Man, loser.


I love Halloween parties...

10 Bad Things that Make Me Go Weeeeee!

1. Beer – I don’t need to explain. If you’re a beer drinker, you’d understand.
2. Cholesterol – Food is soooo boring without this.
3. High-calorie Foods – See bad thing no. 2
4. Cursing – It lightens my mood and I think profanities are unique terms of endearment.
5. Ringing random doorbells then running like mad– It’s a thrilling (the ringing) way of burning calories (the running).
6. Gossiping – It strengthens the bonds of friendship.
7. The fight scene between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth in Bridget Jones 1 and 2 – funniest, dorkiest fight scene ever!
8. Giggling during the most solemn and very quiet moments (read: solemn, NOT tragic) – I really have no explanation for this malady. But I’m not that bad, I disguise my giggles as a coughing fit.
9. Laziness – there’s something so luxurious and satisfying about giving in to this state of being.
10. Getting Drunk – this is my Nirvana and I was able to reach this state thousands of times without having to sit cross-legged whilst acting like a statue for hours.

Coupons for Lovers

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Hilarious Halloween Costumes

So you're tired of dressing up like someone from Justice League or X-Men or a Disney villain or some insanely famous character, that you fear you'd end up giving yourself "The Cliché of the Year" award for your annual Halloween costume party? My friend, it's time to jump out of the bandwagon and dress differently this year. Here are some ideas you can use or improve on in the most shocking way possible. What's more, they're either cheap or won't cost you a dime! And what's really great is that they can be Halloween costumes for BOTH men and women.

1. Dress up like a "Pregnant Grandma" - This is tried and tested, my friend. OUr office building's security almost didn't let me in. All I did was sprinkle loose powder all over my tresses, put on my grandma's house dress, added reading glasses and borrowed somebody's walking stick and I was all set. Oh, wait. I tucked a semi-deflated balloon under the house dress for the pregnant look. I even rode public transportation on my way to work. Everybody stared.

2. The Murder Victim - This is really easy. Just tear up some clothes that you really hate and wear them. Then use dark eye shadow all over your legs, arms and face for that bruised effect. Roll around the dirt and finally, splash some blood on. If you're the sloppy type, ketchup, red food coloring or hot sauce will work for you. Otherwise, purchase some fake blood at the toy store.

3. Bearded Drag Queen - Practically a no-brainer. Just don on a sexy woman's outfit, apply thick make-up, false eyelashes and add a beard. That's it!

4. The I'm-taking-a-perpetual-shower-look: Simply wrap a towel around your body and make sure your hair is wet all the time. You could say to the people at the party that you're the "Shower God/Goddess" or something. But don't you dare have a costume-malfunction or you could get arrested for indecent exposure… Um. What was that again? Indecent exposure? If you're fearless, you can wear that for Halloween. Don't worry. We'll visit you in jail, sicko.

5. The Blind Person - All you have to do is wear dark sunglasses and grab a walking stick. You'll even have an excuse to touch people anywhere you want to. Just say you're really into character.

Ideas for a Fun Karaoke Party

I love karaoke and I love hosting parties. The peculiar thing is, I suck at singing and I'm not a very good hostess. I just let my guests get their own drinks, refill ice-buckets and empty plates at the cocktail table while I sing the night away with my awful, off-key voice. And yet, my karaoke parties are always fun. How do I pull this off?

1. Invite fun guests. People who loves to laugh, and those with as less inhibitions as possible. And not judgmental!

2. Pass the microphone and the song book around. Everyone should get a chance to sing.

3। Prepare yummy food. I can cook and this makes up for being a lazy hostess. Some of the foods I've served are:

- Spicy sour cream and cheese with ground beef dip
- Ranch dip
- Shrimp pesto
- Pigs in blankets
- Assorted cheeses
- Bite-size veggies

If you can't cook, order from your favorite restaurant. If I don't have time to prepare the food, I usually just go with pizza and chips.

4. Serve drinks that the majority of your guests prefer. My friends and I love Mojito and Absolut Citron with lemon wedges dipped in sugar. Make sure you have plenty of soda and water too. But when you're having too much of a good time, mixing drinks can be a drag so just create a make-shift bar (if you don't have one. I don't too.), put all the beverages there, plus cups and ice and you're all set.

5. Turn your karaoke session up a notch by having a singing contest. Let your guests pick out songs from specific eras. Each guest will do their own version of their chosen songs. Give awards like the funniest, the weirdest, best impersonator and etc.

6. Don't take your party seriously and fret through out the night. Relax and have fun. If you're the type who gets antsy over spilled beer on your carpet, don't host a party like this.